THE POWER OF BEING YOURSELF

Dear Unorthodox Thinker,

Welcome to the rebrand.

Here's your first Baq Letter.

Working on the website overhaul these past couple of weeks allowed me to ask myself something I’ve been pushing away for a while now:

Is it time for a career shift?

I never thought there would come a time when I’d feel like the classroom isn’t my home anymore. The path was pretty clear when I started teaching—do it until I’m old and gray.

And while it’s still the most rewarding vocation, I’ve come to realize how restricting it is.

It’s so ironic how I’ve been pouring my genuine soul to make a difference while at the same time holding back on the authenticity; I’m not fully “myself” around them.

When you’re a role model, you have to be the epitome of clean and holy. Especially to young kids who are molded into heroes of generations to come.

But the disconnect there is that I’m not clean and holy. Never have, never will be. I’m queer, I drink, I used to chain-smoke, I have tattoos, and my mouth is so unfiltered people wonder what the fuck my actual deal is trying to be a primary teacher.

Well, that’s who I am. And it sucks to say that that makes me an outsider anywhere I go.

I never fit in.

As a child, I was a rebel. In society, I’m an outcast. I’ve always just been the queer and tattooed one.

I never truly understood what it meant to be normal. 

And it took me years to realize—that’s okay.

My flaws. My quirks. My messy history. My glaring imperfections. There’s nothing wrong with them.

They make me who I am. And who I am is far from ordinary. I’ve been holding back in the name of my profession. Living in that box of only showing the world what it wants to see. Or else, I lose my credibility.

Chasing halos was never my thing. But somewhere along growing up and finding myself, I kind of had to.

It’s the consequence of being in the closet—you hide all the other parts of yourself that you fear will be picked apart.

I’ve spent most of my life doing that.

Until I had an epiphany.

An actual one and not the one with angels hovering over me.

The power you gain back when you decide to let go and completely be yourself is unmatched.

All my life, I’ve been surrendering to what others wanted me to be.

It’s coming to an end.

And the best thing about going on this journey is also coming to terms with an important fact:

Your values are learned. Therefore, they can be unlearned.

If you’ve been brought up to do this, be that, say this, chase that—you always have the freedom to unlearn all of them.

Being away from my childhood environment makes me see how much of my beliefs are only tied to the immediate world I’m living in.

Growing up in a religious country makes you think you should be religious. But when you live in a place where nobody really gives a shit about god, you have the freedom to let that limiting belief go.

If it does not serve you anymore. If it does not reflect the real you anymore.

Truth is, religion never resonated with me. But I was afraid of acknowledging that because everyone around me says it’s wrong not to believe in the greater being that created this world.

In my little bubble, though, Buddhism reflected philosophies I’ve been wanting to live by. And so I started learning these values consciously in my everyday.

Your life is up to you, remember?

And a huge part of that choice is gaining the power back to live a genuine life you love.

See, you should be evolving with the world. But you should also be checking in with yourself if you’re being true to who you are or if you’re merely going along with an illusion that others have created for you.

Recent events finally sparked the guts in me to break free from that illusion.

Guts to try and come out of my shell. Guts to share my writing. Guts to let people know I exist. 

Guts to acknowledge my true identity.

The only one I resonate with.

Unorthodox.

I’ve always been.

And will always be.

The unorthodox outsider.

Talk to you next week,

Jopaz